Worth It
by destinie
Summary: Ran gets a call one night, and it's from Gin and Vodka regarding Shinichi. They're willing to tell her what happened before Shinichi left, as long as she tells them what happened after. Ch. 4: Life where it left off. And further stuff. Shrug.
1. Late Night Matters of the Heart

D/N: I know I've already posted this one before and then took it down since the formatting was really hard to read. This is changed (and hopefully more legible) version.  
  
This is my first fanfic, so if I do ANYTHING wrong, don't shoot me. But tell me, so I'd know next time, okays? Good-o. ^_^ And just as a comment-- this isn't what I'm expecting the real finale of Detective Conan to be. I want Gosho Aoyama-sama's version to be way . . . better, for one. And thanks mucho to Shuki for helping me edit this and giving me the chapter title and Verniecca for her support. You guys are awesome!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters--er, *most* of them--and basic idea and basic everything belongs to the ever-so-awesome Gosho Aoyama-sama, without whom this spiffy, spiffy, spiffy series would have been nonexistent. ::shudders:: Now how's THAT for sucking up? :) ((The above applies to all chapters of the story, because I'm too lazy to copy and paste.))  
  
D/N: By the way, sorry for the cliffhanger at the end. It just seemed like a nice place to stop. Also, for some reason Word was being a big butthead today, so I couldn't indent right. Just ignore that minor error, pleasie.  
  
And also, if anyone can help me with getting the words to italicize on a Word document, I'd very greatly appreciate it, as I've spent WAY too long trying to figure it out myself...::cries:: I mean, I've only wasted a couple of WEEKS trying to figure it out. As a poor substitute, {things in these spiffy whatchamacallits} are going to be the character's thoughts, kapeesh?  
  
Anyway, I've been talking too much again. On with the chapter!  
  
+~*Late Night Matters of the Heart*~+  
  
"I'm home!" Her voice rang through the room, shattering the silence that had held its place in the detective agency for awhile now. Obviously, she was home, but she was the only one. She sank into couch with a sigh and stared out of the window, at the people passing by, all of them strangers. Not who she was looking for. Ran sighed again, but this time instead of relief, it was filled with something--something she had long since grown familiar to ever since that night, but something she still could not put a name to. A mixture of sadness, of yearning, blended in with a touch of hope. She knew all three of those feelings, had felt more than her fair share of them, but when combined together, what did they make? She didn't know, but she did know that they were special, so special only one person could bestow them upon her, a bittersweetness that often brought tears to her eyes.  
  
How long had it been? She couldn't tell. She remembered the moment as clearly as she remembered him, but the days, weeks, months that followed . . . they blended in with one another, as mixed together as her feelings, so that she sometimes felt she couldn't tell heads or tails of anything anymore. All because of him. Why? Why did he have to leave and make up such a feeble excuse, so that she would realize soon enough what was going on, that he had lied to her? Why did he lie to her? Why couldn't he have trusted her, just like he had always done before?  
  
The slam of the door stirred her from her thoughts, and she didn't need to look up to see that it was Conan. She stood up, hoping he wouldn't see the tears that had been threatening to fall but had, as of yet, been contained with. Trying to shield her emotions, she stood up and glared at Conan.  
  
"About time! It's seven, with no note, no phone call, no nothing. For all I knew, you could've been run over by a car, or lost, or kidnapped, or worse! Where were you?" She sat back down again after a glance at his shocked face, cringing a little. That anger had been a little *too* fake, she supposed. She shouldn't try so hard . . . but she knew how Conan would react if he ever saw her in tears. Such a caring child.  
  
"Dr. Agasa's. And . . . I'm sorry. For everything." His eyes didn't leave the ground, and his tone suggested another meaning.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
Conan sighed and shook his head. "It's . . . it's nothing." After a moment's silence, Conan's eyes wandered around the room. "Where's Kogoro?"  
  
"Dunno. He wasn't here when I came home."  
  
"Oh." He grit his teeth, but after a moment's thought let it go. The chances of this case--if this was a case--being the one he had been waiting for were next to nothing, and he was tired . . . so tired of everything. Well, almost everything.  
  
Conan was breezing through his homework, unaware of the familiar kitchen sounds emitting from Ran's domain when the third member of the makeshift family stumbled his way from the door to his desk.  
  
"And where've you been?" Ran asked, chopping the carrots with the ease of one who had been doing it for the majority of her life.  
  
From the other side of the room the door to Conan's room opened slightly. Kogoro's only reply was a grumble before his face made contact with the steel of his desk and he was whisked off into slumber, drunk from too much beer as usual.  
  
Conan could hear the exasperated sigh from the kitchen amid the sound of the knife cutting through the carrots and lent himself a smile in amusement. {I guess it's safe to say that there wasn't any case.}  
  
He closed the door and ducked back to the last of his homework, Ran's talk of her father's spending most of his time with his beer than with his work lingering in his ears. This was better than before, when that shame of a detective spent all of his time either sleeping or drinking and none at his work. That he had work at all was thanks to Conan. That he was famous at all was thanks to Conan. But who knew that behind the at-most- times well- portrayed façade of a child was the mind of a high school detective, and a spanking good one at that? Certainly not Ran nor Kogoro, and he wanted to keep it that way. Most of the time. Other times, he longed to tell Ran who he really was, what had happened, why he was changed. He had wanted to, ever since she confided her feelings for him--or rather, for Shinichi-- after the incident. And he had wanted to, when he came through the door earlier to find her near tears. His--well, Shinichi's--best friend had become good at disguising her feelings, but he could see through them, even without the help of his calculating mind. After all, wasn't he, Kudo Shinichi forced into disguise, the one who had grown up with her?  
  
But no, he told himself. Telling her would only put her in danger, and he couldn't bear to see her in danger. Telling her would only make her do drastic things, maybe - probably - get herself killed. And he couldn't bear to think that it was because of him. Telling her would only hurt her.  
  
But not telling her, wouldn't it hurt her too? Yes, it did. That was an inevitable fact, and he couldn't chase it away from his mind, nor did he want to. He saw every side of her, had always seen every side of her, just as God did. Every way she was. Saw her anguish at his absence. Cherished her happiness, her love for life, her innocence, her faith in him, like a never-ebbing river that would flow forever, if need be. He put a hand into his pocket and smiled. It *did need be*, and she would, but it came the time that that river would smile again. And really smile, for the reason people did smile.  
  
He had finished his homework and was about to go into the living room when the phone rang. He ducked back into his room, perplexing himself with his own actions. Why did his heart pound so much? All he knew was that a force too eloquent to be a voice admonished him to stay where he was.  
  
"Dad, can you get that?" she called. "Dad?"  
  
She turned off the fire to the pan and walked to the desk, picking up the phone beside her father who kept on snoring, in no way perturbed with the insistent ringing.  
  
"Hello? Mouri Kogoro Detective Agency."  
  
There was a pause as she listened to the speaker at the other end. Her voice lost its warmness, and she was at once distant, alert, suspicious. She swore she had heard this voice somewhere, and remembered all too well that it had proved to arrive packaged with ill omens.  
  
"Who is this?" A quick intake of breath that came short of a gasp. "Shinichi?" A pause, and the coldness became edged with plea, with a reckless rush to find out more. "What do you know about him?"  
  
A longer pause that filled the whole atmosphere with tension, and then a final "Okay" as the phone receiver left her ear, and slowly back to its cradle.  
  
"Shinichi." she whispered.  
  
She stood near the desk for a moment, gazing at the street below, the street where he would wait for her before school. The street where he waited for her before going to the amusement park . . . the amusement park where he had disappeared. Sometimes she had tried to forget him, and move on with her life, but by now, she had known she couldn't. He was too good, too real, too true a person to her to forget, and, whether they both liked it or not, he was the one who held her life at a standstill.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ran?"  
  
She stared at the table, at her hands, seeing neither.  
  
"Ran?"  
  
"Huh? What?"  
  
"What's going on? You haven't eaten anything," said Kogoro. His eyes wandered from his daughter to the child she had taken custody for. "And neither have you, Conan."  
  
"I'm not that hungry." she mumbled, glancing at Conan from the corner of her eye.  
  
"Yeah, me neither."  
  
"Huh, really. Lucky for you I'm not the kind of parent who won't let you eat after dinner," he said. His remark was greeted by a silence only he felt. The retort he had been looking for was "Lucky for you I can cook," but the person he expected it from was again barricaded within her own thoughts. The rest of the meal was finished in a hurried silence, a silence that stretched far into the evening, a silence that had none of the homey familiarity of the silence of that afternoon.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The sound of foot falls echoed through the streets as her mind raced with them, well aware that she seemed to be the only one to take these streets at this hour. She walked in waves of light and dark. Whenever she stepped within the shine of a streetlamp or an open shop, it was plain to see the sixteen to seventeen-year-old girl, dressed in shorts and a black sleeveless top. Her brown hair cascaded down her back, and, if one was able to get close enough, one would see that her beautiful, blue-purple eyes held an unnamed sorrow about them, a sorrow she usually kept hidden, but when caught unawares, that sorrow would work its way right into someone's heart.  
  
And then in the dark, and she was yet another mystery waiting to be discovered, and then uncovered, not by a detective, but by someone who knew her well enough to tell her every emotion better than she did, who could tell it just by the sound of her voice on the phone. By someone who held such a place in her heart that she knew with the utmost conviction, that she would never forget him, never want to, will love him until the sands of Time parted for the world to see, until all of the mysteries within Eternity to be discovered only to find more mysteries. But the secret hid itself well, extremely well. And perhaps, after all that had happened, perhaps she would still love him. As long as there was nothingness, and nothingness could never be vanquished. After all, hadn't she loved him before she had even met him? Hadn't their destinies been interwoven from the beginning, by a force just as great, if not greater, than Time, into a single red string?  
  
She grinned to herself. Wouldn't he laugh if she ever told him her idle musings! But then, she would have to tell him her feelings first, and she would never, ever do that.  
  
She could make out the top of the roller coaster they had rode on together, magnified and glorified by the white of the full moon. The roller coaster where she had touched his hand, where she had been about to confess her feelings before her courage failed her. She longed so much to confess her feelings now, but now was not possible. Now was when he became too involved in "cases", too driven away by his ambition, to save any place in his mind for her. A phone call once a week or so, a rare visit, and that was it. Ever since she had known him, he had wanted to become a detective. She had admired--still admired--his steadfast determination, but now, more and more, it frustrated her. She didn't want to fight with something she admired--his mind--for his heart. But sometimes . . . sometimes the feelings within her soul wielded no identification with anything she tried to tell herself.  
  
She stopped her reverie to wonder at herself. Why was she thinking like this? It was something she would never do usually, but maybe it was just that the night and the feel of the whole situation got to her - she was, after all, back where it had all started.  
  
Before she knew it, she was at the entrance to the amusement park. No one was there yet, and she had broken her watch while helping her dad on a case two days ago. All she could do was lean against the wall, watch the moon wrapped up in all its grandeur of stars, and wait.  
  
The stars were bright that night, even among the far dimmer, artificial stars of Tokyo. She thought of all the stars she had seen, of all the times she had seen them, thinking. Perhaps that was something she had to thank for his absence. Realization of him. Even before . . . before *then*, she, Mouri Ran, had realized that she loved him. But how much? Back then she didn't know, and now, she wasn't sure either. When she had him, she never appreciated him for his full worth. He had always been there, to offer support whether she needed it or not, and even now, with him wrapped up in whatever case he indulged himself in, he was still there, somehow, to offer comfort. She had liked him back then, yes, developed a crush on him, but did she love him back then?  
  
She couldn't remember. She couldn't remember if she even knew. Probably because she had never thought about it. Even if she did, why did she love him? Why did she *think* she loved him back then? Maybe for the same reason that most girls went wild for him - for his looks, his cleverness, his popularity. But now, she knew. Knew why she had really loved him. And she had really loved him. She knew he had something other than that, deep inside, something not many people could see. She loved him for him, to the purest sense of the word.  
  
His stubbornness, his immaturity, his arrogance that, even if being what it was, could never hold him back from the sight of the truth. His sense of justice that spread to her, his determination, fueled by her encouragement, but fueled more so by his own sense of duty as someone with a dream. He was someone who would make whatever he wished come true, by his actions, his attitude, his will. His ability to somehow always make her world right again, because he was him. She loved everything he was, every way he were. She had his absence to thank for the realization of that, along with the stars he had given her.  
  
It was hard to live without him once she had known him, but she had braved it, all of it. All of the memories, all of the calls that had ended too soon, but were long and frequent in comparison to his visits. Over the course of weeks, of months, of months and weeks enough to have passed the year-point, she had learned, far more than anyone else ever had, the true meaning of the phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Her heart did grow fonder, but its longing for him in turn hurt itself and its owner beyond agony.  
  
When she gazed out of her window at night, she often wondered when the pain, the anguish, would stop. And then she realized it would never stop. Not now, not ever, and even Time could not ease her tears. Time was useless when it met love. Because after all, which was the older of the two? The pain would never stop, unless he was returned to her eyes, to her words, her smile, her life. Tragedy was a necessary wickedness, but sometimes, the best things were begotten out of tragedy. Thoughts, hopes, dreams, feelings. Everyday wonders in the guises of cocky mystery fanatics.  
  
She raised her head at the sound of footsteps upon pavement. She shouldn't have looked at the stars, given way to her thoughts and emotions. The stars had always made her ponder, just like music did. Both were intoxicating, although she wasn't sure if that was altogether a bad thing. The figures were closer to her than she had thought at first, and she could make out-- black. The taller of the two appeared to be carrying some sort of small case. With a shock that she choked down from breaking the surface of her new cold, expressionless countenance, she realized who they were. The two men who had ridden the roller coaster with Shinichi and herself, were involved in the same murder case, whom (now she knew) later her friend had pursued out of her life, but certainly not out of her dreams. Their get-up had seemed strange, but she had excused it once the bigger issues presented themselves that day. Namely, the murder and Shinichi's ever-so-dramatic exit. "Never better," she muttered, skipping right ahead to the subject. "What do you know about him?"  
  
"Good evening, Mouri-san. I trust you're feeling well?" began the blonde one, talking as if they had nothing to worry about except for the weather.  
  
"Who? Kudo Shinichi? For awhile, Vodka and I just assumed he was dead."  
  
Her eyes darted back and forth between the blonde one and the other one-- Vodka, the first one called him. She didn't say anything, but from the grin that festered upon the blonde one's mouth, she knew that something had given her away, whether it was her hands that clenched and unclenched or the flash of anger within her eyes or both. He knew he had her attention, and he knew that whatever information about Shinichi he wanted, she would the one to give it to him if she wasn't careful. {Whatever happened to Shinichi, I know you've got a part in it. You were the ones he ran after before he got mixed up in his so-called case,} she thought, but didn't say out loud.  
  
The blonde one's quick eyes darted across the surroundings, and he began, in the same manner as before, "Why don't we take this elsewhere? Out here in the open, even if it is night, someone might suspect we were up to something illegal." His grin flashed again, arrogance accompanied by a spark of malice, an arrogance she began to loathe, even if it was only the second time she saw it.  
  
They didn't wait for her to answer, but turned in the direction they had come and, with a gesture from the blonde one, Ran fell into step behind them. She bowed her head, her eyes pasted on the sidewalk, which glittered a dull silver from the moonlight. Nothing was spoken between them, but a million words raced through her mind. {I might find out what's really going on . . . what really happened . . . } She had suspected for a long time that Shinichi was hiding something from her, something she deserved to know. Something that may have eased her pain by the thousandfold whenever they hung up, or whenever he left. Maybe now, she would find out. Yes. Her hands clenched into fists again. Definitely now.  
  
They stopped in an alley, away from the lights of the street, except for the one emitted from the moon. The blonde one turned to face her, not smiling now. She didn't know whether to be thankful for it or dread what was to come.  
  
"Mouri-san. I'm someone who likes to get my work done, fast and simple. And I'm sure you won't take kindly to having your precious time wasted on formalities. So let's cut to the chase. I've heard talk that you don't think Kudo Shinichi is dead? That you claim he's been calling you, that you've actually even seen him in a few rare occasions? Explain."  
  
She bit her lip. It was futile to feign ignorance against any of these charges. They were all true. Her interrogator knew it, his companion, Vodka, knew it, and she knew it. But what to say? She heard something click on the inside of the blonde one's jacket.  
  
"Or perhaps you would like a little persuading?"  
  
Looked up, and saw him raise a gun, pointed, unwavering, at her 


	2. The Truth about Lies

D/N: Hola! It's me again. This chapter isn't QUITE as fluffy, mushy, and a total waste of space like the one before-at least, I HOPE not. That's for you to decide and give me feedback on. A huge thanks to those who reviewed, not to mention Shuki for the title-again! What would I do without her?  
  
I'm still looking for a way to get the italics to show up. If anyone knows how to do it, feel free to e-mail me!  
  
~*~*~*~Worth It~*~*~*~   
  
Chapter 2 - The Truth about Lies   
  
  
  
A voice told her to let go of her cold outer shell, and expose herself, because it was only the quiet, harmless Mouri Ran that could stand any chance of survival against these two at the moment. She obliged gladly. She couldn't fight ice with ice, and these people possessed chilled hearts. Her eyes sought comfort on the stagnant, moonlit ground. A soft, reminiscing smile touched her lips and her words were wreathed in a serenity that made them all the more powerful.   
  
"I *have* said that and I *do* claim that, because I *miss* him." She raised her eyes to meet Gin's. Cold, cold eyes betraying no emotion. She wasn't anything like him, so why should she pretend to be?   
  
"You were there the day he disappeared, so naturally when you called, I linked you to his disappearance. I guess . . . I guess I was right in doing so. Haven't you ever loved someone so much you can't bear to live your life without that person? You probably haven't, and you won't live until you have. Everyone said that he was dead, but I wouldn't accept it . . . because I know Shinichi. I've known him for so, so long . . . I could never give him up. Never forget him."   
  
What was she doing? She had never really told anyone that she had secretly loved him, except for Conan, and that was because he was so innocent that she knew she could trust him. She never even told Sonoko, her closest girl friend, but Sonoko had guessed and Ran couldn't change the truth. ({Nor do I want to,} she realized then.) So why was she telling all these preciously guarded, personal feelings to someone who happened to be pointing a gun at her? She didn't know, but sometimes, more and more recently than ever before, she didn't know herself. All she knew was that she had to keep on talking. That way, at least she could stay alive.  
  
"I couldn't bear the thought of him not being in my life, only in my memory. I didn't want to think about not being able to love him because he was dead. I didn't want to think about my days, my future, without him when I've been with him for so long, so precious long. I didn't care if he was famous back then, and I don't care now. He was Shinichi, my best friend, my Shinichi, so special to me that I couldn't ever think of him as gone. He's haunted my days, and I know now that that is all I can ever hope for."   
  
She sighed, wiped at a fake tear she realized was real, and continued, "So congratulations. Now you know something I've wanted to keep hidden forever. I made up my little fantasy and I've lived in it. Lived in it so much that it's become truth, my truth, and a truth I've led you to believe."   
  
The silence that filled the alley, the lights of Tokyo bit straight at her heart. She took a deep breath, filled with all of the tears she had shed over him, filled with all of the untold wishes she had poured into the stars ever since realizing how much she missed him, and waited. She had become incredibly good at waiting.   
  
The other one spoke for the first time, shifting his weight uneasily from one foot to the other. "Gin."  
  
Gin? So that was his name. She smiled. Knowing one's name made one seem a lot less indestructible. And Gin's chilling eyes didn't seem half as forbidding, the absence of his malicious smile half as terrifying.   
  
The gun dropped to his side. Finally, he said, "Very touching, Mouri-san. Very touching."   
  
Her hands clenched themselves before it even crossed her mind to feel relieved. No, they weren't going to let her go that easily. Not when-  
  
"But you know that we have something to do with Kudo Shinichi's disappearance, unfortunately for you. And if you know that much, you've already known too much."   
  
The gun was raised again, its barrel directed above her defiant eyes.   
  
"It was a pleasure talking to you, Mouri Ran."   
  
The adrenaline rush was intolerable, but it helped her out of the paralyzed fear the gun had put her in. She ducked a split second before the bullet whizzed past her head, the herald of a messy death making an irremovable dent onto the brick wall behind her. Before the expressionless glass of Gin's eyes could even have a chance to transform into shock, she had punched him in the stomach, panic and anger all rolled into one inside her fists. Then his eyes could do nothing but look shocked. She slid her leg under his feet, tripping him like she did most of the crooks she was put up against.  
  
  
  
However, adrenaline could do nothing as Vodka drew a knife from its hiding place at his ankle and, in one swift motion, pinned Ran by the neck to the wall, the knife raised above her.   
  
"You're gonna pay for that, you little b -"   
  
He was cut off as he dropped the knife, and the hand that had taken hold of her neck went to his other wrist. He screamed in pain, and Ran realized for the first time that the hand was broken. It was then she noticed the case sprawled open on the floor near the fallen knife, its contents - several pills and something that looked like a flashlight - scattered across the floor.  
  
Then she saw the newcomer who was responsible for this, breathing shallowly, an expression of anger mixed with regret etched over his face, deep within his eyes. It was *Shinichi*. She sucked in air, trying not to believe her eyes, but realizing that no matter how much she tried, she would have to believe them. Because even if she was afraid that what she saw was not true, she knew she had wanted to see what she saw infinitely more. Her mouth opened to speak, and her lips moved to form words, but her voice failed to carry her message.   
  
All she could manage was silence, silence not unlike the ones she had endured all those cold, sleepless nights, wondering if the sky was nearer to her than *he* was. She bit her lip and decided that no matter how long it would take, this would have to wait. Something more urgent, although never more important, had to be done. Turned back to the man attired in black before her, and back to the matter at hand.   
  
At first she had just thought Vodka had dropped the knife by accident - the case Shinichi had kicked had come so quickly she didn't even see it. She had been too busy staring at the knife, wondering when he would bring it down to make contact with her skin.   
  
She wasted two seconds staring at her savior before realizing that, although his hand was hurt, Vodka's threat to both their lives was not in the least bit disturbed. A high kick to his shoulders followed by a trip like the one she had dished out to Gin, and Vodka collapsed on the floor just like Gin had been. Gin. Ran dug her knee into Vodka's spine, grabbed his right arm by the wrist, twisted it, and pinned it behind his back, not noticing the other black figure picking up the gun he had dropped and getting up, the other hand to his stomach.  
  
Ran sensed something wasn't quite right, and turned to see Gin aiming the gun at her, the corners of his lips curving upward in an essence of that hateful smile. She sucked in her breath. The last dodge from the bullet was unbelievably lucky. She couldn't count on her karate skills this time. This time, it would be inevitable.   
  
Gin grinned fully this time, savoring her fear. Then he shifted the gun from Ran to Shinichi.  
  
"You're supposed to be dead," muttered Vodka, picking himself painfully from the ground.   
  
"Exactly," from Gin. "You're supposed to be dead."   
  
Neither Shinichi nor Ran said anything in reply.   
  
"Explain why you're still here."   
  
She swore she could hear the sneer of the notch as Gin's finger tightened on it after seconds of silence that lasted days. "Please. For your own good. Because the more you say, the more time you have left to live. And from my experience, most people want more time left to live, however desperate and pathetic those last minutes may be."   
  
She heard a sigh, and then the words.   
  
"There are a lot of things I've missed out on . . . lots of things." He snuck an eloquent glance at Ran, and something told her that although he spoke upon Gin's prompt, those words were for her. "I know you sure didn't mean for what happened to happen. I also know what you *did* want to happen - I've seen the things you do. And things like that. it's the things like that that have given me my calling. Something I still haven't exactly given up despite the . . . predicaments I used to have."   
  
"Shinichi . . . " she whispered, feeling the familiar tingle beneath her eyes again. His form blurred before her and she had to blink several times to free the tears.   
  
"Ever since, I've tried . . . to know more about you, to get a sample of the drug so that maybe there was a way to find a counter-drug. But nothing worked. I had few people to turn to, few people to confide in. I couldn't even confide in Ran, for fear that I might put her in danger. And I didn't want to think of it as being because of me. For all the trouble that caused . . . I guess it did nothing to protect her. Instead, all it did for her was make her suffer."   
  
"But it was worth it," she said softly, so softly that even her oppressors didn't seem to hear. But Shinichi turned to her, and she raised her eyes to meet his questioning ones, her soft smile being all the explanation she could give him at the moment.   
  
He seemed to understand that, and turned back to Gin. "She's just as good an actress as my mother. I heard what she said. About making it up, pretending about the phone calls. The only reason I didn't knock the gun out of your hand the first time, Gin, was because you fired too soon for me to react. It's only bad luck for you that she managed to dodge it. Now you know that was a lie. Kudo Shinichi isn't dead. And until you came along, Edogawa Conan had no place in this world. But you came. And that's all I've got to say."   
  
Gin's grin resounded itself on his lips. "Good. Tell you what: I've decided I won't shoot you. Yet."   
  
The other three raised their heads in alarm, and none of the expressions appeared hopeful in the least. That was to be expected on the first, and the other two were too smart to know what kind of intentions this world was filled with.   
  
"What you've said intrigues me greatly, Detective. Enough so that I think it's worth reporting. And since I'm feeling nice today - " Shinichi couldn't help but snort at the probability of that " - I'll take you along with me. Besides, it's always easier to believe something when I've got proof - you should know that. And what better proof of a transformation than exactly that, in front of an audience?"   
  
He was going to use the apo-toxin on Shinichi again, and there was no way of transforming back. Shinichi swore under his breath but followed Vodka's lead out of the alley. He could almost feel the eye of the gun boring a hole on their backs, as if that empty eye held a menace that possessed its own, cold-metal danger.   
  
They trudged a block in almost-resigned lifelessness. Almost, but not quite. Shinichi slowly counted the steps. By now, Gin would've let his guard down just a smidgeon, and he had a feeling that, wherever they were taking them, they still had a long way to go unless he had any say in it. His eyes wandered over to Ran. Her blue-purple eyes rose from the ground to his, and in the second that the look passed between them, she realized what he intended to do. A nod, with a grin as indistinct to match, and she dropped to her knees onto the cold pavement, sending Gin, who had guarded her as closely as he had Shinichi with the gun, stumbling over her and sprawling to the ground.   
  
Shinichi tackled him, grabbing the wrist that still clutched the gun ever- so-tightly in an attempt to arrest it. Ran picked herself up and grabbed Vodka by the wrist, twisting it so it made her captive cry out, and pinning it high on his back. With that, she forced him to kneel onto the pavement, Ran digging her knee onto his spine in a way she knew was painful. Shinichi was having no such success with the more sinister of the two. {Crap, I so should've taken karate with Ran when I had the chance,} he thought, trying to wrestle the gun from Gin. Even if the blonde terror was lying on the ground, facing the pavement, all those years with a gun were earning their keep at the moment. Gin squeezed the notch one more time, grinning at the beloved sound of the bullet bursting out of the barrel.  
  
A wisp of smoke erupted from the cloth of Shinichi's left shoulder, but that was all. The second that Gin's index finger had hooked onto the notch was the same one that his strength gave out in a final, stillborn wish. Shinichi grabbed the gun and got up, nodding at Ran, who abated the pain on Vodka's arm and stepped back. Vodka actually found himself thankful that now there was only a gun pointed at him instead of the expertise of well- practiced muscle, especially Ran's. Gin's eyes narrowed in hatred at Shinichi, as if promising to not it end like this. But that was an empty promise. Behind those narrowed, icy eyes, he knew it was too late.   
  
"Edogawa Conan had no place." repeated Ran in a whisper, bringing up what he had said. "Shinichi - "   
  
He cut her off, knowing what she was going to ask, and knowing that she already knew the answer to her question. But he answered anyway, because she had asked to be consoled. "I'm Edogawa Conan."   
  
This time, she ignored the objections of her reason, believing instead in her faith in someone who stood for the truth. After all, a small part of her heart had been whispering the exact same thing ever since Shinichi had left her life to make room for Conan all those months ago.  
  
***  
  
d/N: Okay, that's basically about it. Like it? Hate it? Whatever-just tell me! Things are going to slow down from here on out, and maybe they'll pick up again. Who knows? Well, yeah, I do, since I've already written the whole thing-I'm just takin' my own sweet time getting to uploading it. ^.^ 


	3. Roundin' Up the Bad Guys

~*~*~*~*~Worth It~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 3 - Roundin' Up the Bad Guys-Along with a Little One-on-One  
  
"But it wasn't all a lie," said Ran quietly, interrupting the somehow half- tense, half-companionable silence around them.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"You were talking about how I pretended that I made up the stuff about the phone call and the visits. That part was true but when I think about it, even if you had . . . you know . . . died . . . the phone calls and the visits probably would've still happened, at least to me."  
  
His steady footfalls stopped as he turned to face her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Because I *would've* made them up anyway, and they would've become reality."  
  
"Because you love me." His straightforwardness was so unexpected that she was caught speechless for a moment.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They had ushered Gin and Vodka to the police. Inspector Megure had come right away once he heard Shinichi's voice on the phone. Shinichi blurted out all he knew about the organization his captives had been in, with the exception of the reason for his disappearance. He didn't think he wanted to tell anyone yet, except Ran.  
  
"The government's had us keep the Kurozukume a secret for a long time, but I guess it's only rational to tell you who it is you're dealing with. Those two may give us a clue about their whereabouts. Count on you to bring the crooks right to the police station, Kudo," a grinning Inspector Megure had said.  
  
Shinichi grinned. "Actually, Ran did most of it. I just pitched in to help."  
  
"Really? Is this true, Ran-kun?"  
  
The stout man turned to the girl sitting on the bench, her head bent in reflection.  
  
"Ran?"  
  
"Mm?" she raised her head, her eyes leaving her clasped hands for Shinichi's and Inspector Megure's puzzled expressions. She laughed nervously. "Oh, sorry, I was thinking about something else."  
  
The orange-clad inspector thought he understood and glanced at his wristwatch. "Whoa, sorry. In all the excitement of seeing you after so long Kudo, I've lost track of the time. You two can head on home, you're probably tired."  
  
Shinichi didn't reply nor take his concerned eyes off of Ran, whose gaze had once again returned to her hands. It was almost in slow motion that she raised her head to meet him again, her eyes assuring him that it was nothing to worry about, their owner getting up and following Shinichi out the door.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She couldn't help but smile. "You'll always be that cocky, won't you?"  
  
"Well, you do." His teasing grin flashed in the uncanny brightness of the moon.  
  
{I do,} she thought, blushing furiously when she realized what this would indicate in different scenario. "I mean, because you're my best friend and all, it'd be so boring without you," she added hastily, starting to walk again, careful to keep her eyes on the moonlit sidewalk and nowhere else.  
  
"Right. Because I'm your best friend." His tone was drenched in skepticism. "Ran, you admitted it to Conan, and you know that I'm Conan. So why can't you admit it to me?"  
  
"Shut it, you," she said, elbowing him in the ribs. "Besides, I wouldn't be that comfortable with myself if I were you. Speaking of Conan, you still have to spit out the whole story . . . and why you didn't trust me enough to think I would keep a secret."  
  
"Ran, I -"  
  
"Save it." She stopped but didn't turn to him as she murmured, "You'll need the night to think your facts straight."  
  
He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "All right, whatever you say. Come by after school tomorrow."  
  
This time, she turned to him, sharply, her eyes wide and a hint of a smile on her lips. A part of her had guessed that Shinichi was here to stay, but the other part - the afraid part - had warned her to not hope too much. "So the case is -"  
  
She stopped as he shook his head. "No, the case isn't over yet, but we're getting there. By now, you would've already guessed what the case is."  
  
She nodded quietly as he continued, "The people working with those two guys would want to know who had turned them in, who had exposed their operations. They won't rest until they find out, and when they do, we're in for it." She didn't say anything, and he continued, "Even if we've told the police, the Black Organization would know, and they would try to escape. I have to track them down before they do anything in retaliation."  
  
She raised her chin decisively, almost defiantly. "I'm helping."  
  
"No," he said sharply.  
  
"Yes," she returned, just as sharply. "Or are you afraid I might get in the way? Tell me the truth, Shinichi."  
  
"It's not that, it's never that," he answered after a moment's pause, and even though he averted his eyes, Ran could tell he was telling the truth. "It's just that you might get hurt -"  
  
"As you might," she said, a spark of triumph in her voice. "Look, whatever can happen to me can and probably will happen to you. I don't want to sit around and twiddle my thumbs knowing you might be in danger."  
  
"Now you know why I didn't tell you about before?  
  
She opened her mouth to speak, groping for a word in reply, anything. None came.  
  
He gripped her shoulders, locking his gaze with hers.  
  
"You do care about me, Ran. Don't you think I know? Remember, I was Edogawa Conan. I still am, in the sense that whoever worked with those men is still a threat to me. I saw your tears. I knew what caused them, and I couldn't forgive myself knowing that it was me. But even so -"  
  
"- you couldn't tell me. Why?" she asked, her eyes shining with tears. "If you knew how much I missed you, why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"I did say things. But words from Conan just weren't enough. And I could only tell you so much over the phone. I couldn't tell you my true identity because I know you, Ran. I knew what you would try to do. And I would rather die myself than watch you risk your life for me."  
  
He caught a tear cascading down her cheek with his finger. And whispered so softly he didn't know if she could hear it, "I love you, Ran." And I always will.  
  
She started in surprise. "W-what?"  
  
Shinichi smiled. "You heard what I said."  
  
She looked at him, still disbelieving. They stood in silence as the tide of centuries dragged by, and then she finally relaxed, smiled through her tears, and buried her face into his shoulder, not able to hold it back any more. The long, lost nights, the pain and the silent anguish, the memories and dreams that could only console her so much all washed away with the tears evaporating into the stars.  
  
She didn't know how long they stood there like that, the streetlamp casting them into the light, with Shinichi holding her close as she cried into his shoulder, as if to protect her from anything that would be flung their way. His fingers stroking her hair were already enough; but his whole being so close to her, holding her for both their sakes, for the sake of seventeen years' memories that was meant for this day . . . she swore she could feel rather than hear his heart beating.  
  
Finally she raised her head and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "You know what?" she said, "Actually, I think I would like to hear it."  
  
"Hm?" Reluctantly, he let her go.  
  
"About the whole Conan thing, and why you always tried to keep me from figuring it out."  
  
* * *  
  
"What is it?" she asked after five minutes of staring at the kitchen table and not a word from either of them.  
  
"What?" he propped an elbow on the table and inserted his chin into his hand, his other hand.  
  
"You look like you want to ask me about something."  
  
"I just can't get used to you accepting the stuff about Conan so readily."  
  
"Well. I'm still waiting for your explanation." She grinned. "Don't forget, Shinichi. I had suspected Conan as being you before, but you always managed to work your way out of it. And despite . . . despite a lot of things . . . I think a part of me did suspect. The rest of me just never gave in to it. The rest of me just didn't think it was possible. But it's possible, and I should've given in before."  
  
He nodded. "But it's partly my fault, too, Ran. If I hadn't been so damned careful - and a wonderful mess that's gotten us into -"  
  
"- it is a wonderful mess though, isn't it?" She asked, meeting his eyes and grinning.  
  
He stopped and, once he caught her meaning, grinned back. He took time before answering, looking at the house he hadn't entered for months - a house filled with all sorts of dust-bunnies no matter how much Ran dropped by to keep it in order. And then he looked down at his hands, hands slightly larger than Ran's. The long fingers, the neatly trimmed fingernails, the wrist that had lengthened the circumference of his stun- gun wrist-watch by several notches, hands that only last week had sent gripping a pencil above way too easy, first-grade kanji practice sheets that were made messy with more effort than the other way around. Oddly, it was those hands that gave him the most relief at being "back". Then he looked at Ran. No, it wasn't his hands that gave him the most relief, the surest proof that he was most certainly back.  
  
Her blue-purple eyes sparkled in the dim light given from the single lamp he had turned on, and the shadow of lock of her hair cast a temporary scar across her cheek. That scar had him written all over it, just like her eyes and her smile did. That scar was her loss, but from every loss, there was always a gain. All of this. He had done it all for her. Words raced across his mind and underneath them all was Ran. Ran. He opened his mouth to tell their meaning, but shook them off in the last minute without really knowing why. But he had learned to trust his instincts when it came to danger. He would trust them when it came to the light as well.  
  
Instead, "Definitely."  
  
A satisfied silence. Then, "So?"  
  
"So what?"  
  
"So who else knew?" She began to answer her own question, ticking off names with her fingers. "Dr. Agasa did, because Conan - er, you - was with him the first time I came across him . . . and he covered up for you way too many times to have it have been a coincidence. And your parents did . . . your mom covered up for you once . . . and Heiji did! That was why he was always calling Conan - you - 'Kudo' every time he mentioned him, er, you. He probably figured it out by himself since to be honest, you make a better detective than a liar. Did anyone else know?"  
  
"Yeah. Ai."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "I know you have a good reason for telling her."  
  
"I do have a good reason. I didn't. She knew it herself."  
  
Shinichi didn't need to hear her "Wha?" to explain. "No doubt you know those two men were the ones that turned me into Conan."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"They were making an illegal trade or something, and I snuck up on them. One of them - Gin - came up behind me when I wasn't looking and hit me over the head with something. They force-fed me some pill while I was still paralyzed. When I woke up, I trapped in the body of a six-year-old kid, namely myself, except about ten years younger."  
  
"And then," she picked up, "you went to Dr. Agasa for help. Then I arrived. And the rest is as I know it. So where does Ai fit in? And how did she know who you were without you telling her?"  
  
"I'm getting to that," he answered. "See, Haibara-san is like me. She also took the same pill, APTX-4869, that turned me into Conan."  
  
Her eyes widened, but she didn't say anything.  
  
"Her real name is Miyano Shiho, and she used to be in the same organization as Gin and Vodka. Gin killed her older sister and was going to kill her too, but she took the drug she herself made, to kill herself. Instead, it turned her into pretty much the same thing it turned me into."  
  
"She made it.? So that was why she seemed so much like you . . . " she whispered to herself. "So then . . . "  
  
"It was also Ai-kun who made the antidote, this morning."  
  
"And you went to Dr. Agasa's house to get it."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"And, knowing you, you were eavesdropping on me when I was on the phone. You took the antidote after dinner and followed me."  
  
He nodded again, this time smiling. "Sounds like me."  
  
"Sure does," she agreed. "You know what else sounds like you?"  
  
He jumped in his seat, blue eyes wide, at the ominous sound of a fist slamming onto the table, leaving a trail of smoke on the ill-fated wood with a dent to match. The flash of mischief in her eyes out-ruled the makeshift scowl on her lips - Ran never scowled naturally.  
  
"If I remember correctly, didn't a certain little boy hear very, very frequently from a certain nee-chan of his that when a certain friend of hers came back from wherever the certain heck that certain he was, that certain she would pound the certain crud out of that certain him?" She jumped onto the table, aiming a kick at Shinichi's black hair.  
  
"Crap," he muttered as he put two feet's worth of distance between him and Ran, diving under the table in hopes of a very brief barrier between the menace he hadn't counted on.  
  
"I'm guessing it *does* ring a bell." She was already after him almost before her feet touched the carpet.  
  
Her vacant chair yielded itself as he crawled out from under the table, tipping it over and losing a flip-flop to his hurry. He took the stairs three at a time, yelping and encouraging his speed along when Ran chucked his lost flip-flop at the back of his head.  
  
A slam of the door as he ducked into his room, followed by the muffled sound of feet on the stairs as she hurried after him. The opening of the previously slammed door, and the slamming of that same misfortunate door.  
  
"Stay still!" Obvious frustration tinged her voice as he leapt from the bed to the desk to the floor, doing whatever he could to duck her onslaught of fists.  
  
"Now why would I want to do that?" he wondered, grinning again at her vain attempts even though he knew that her experience would get the better of his luck sooner or later.  
  
She stopped and planted her fists on her hips. "Because you know it's useless, Shinichi!!" She could have read his mind.  
  
"Um . . . " his eyes wandered to the door, " . . . love to stay and chat, but I gotta run away from a maniacal freak right now. Bye!" He breached past enemy lines, opened the door, slammed it and leapt down the stairs before she could utter out a peep in protest.  
  
Ran was speechless for a moment, and then her face assumed the annoyed mask with which she had started the predator-prey war, given away only by a twinkle in her eyes that bespoke delight. "Shinichi . . . " she muttered, starting to go after him when the contents of a drawer in his bed stand, that had probably come loose during the roughhousing, caught her eye. She opened the drawer, picking up the single inhabitant within. "Shinichi . . . " she whispered again this time without any of the annoyance as before, caressing the wonderful name with her voice. Her features had softened to the ones that would be rightfully called Mouri Ran's and the twinkle within her eyes thrived into an all-out glow. {Maybe I'll let this slide.just once.}  
  
Shinichi had been catching his breath on the couch when she walked into the living room. With a yelp he ducked behind the couch.  
  
"Relax. I've decided to be nice and forget about the whole 'promise to grind your bones to make my bread' thing. For now."  
  
He sighed in relief, tumbling back onto the couch from the back. Then he sat up, eyebrows raised in question. "Why the sudden mercy?"  
  
She sat down beside him, meeting him square in the eyes. "Where'd you get this?"  
  
He took the picture from her hand, crimson coloring his cheeks when he realized which one it was.  
  
"Um . . . "  
  
That was all the answer he cared to give at the moment as a small, reminiscing grin touched his lips. It was a picture of Ran, taken about two years ago, a year before the Conan incident. They had been visiting Shinichi's parents then, all the way in New York. Her smile back then was every bit of Ran as it was now, only now, there was a lot more within it. It was amazing how someone could change in only a year's time. The Ran before him, looking at him with one eyebrow slightly raised in question . . . she was just so much more than the one in the picture. And he loved the one in the picture to no end. The real-life Ran was exactly the same, only with more. She had gained so much. and she had had already more than enough to start. So how much exactly, did he love her now? He could only hope that he would solve that particular mystery . . . someday.  
  
He glanced at Ran before him, who was trying to guess what he was thinking. Her head was slightly tilted to one side, her hair brushing gently against her cheek on the other. She was so . . . amazing. He had unbelievably high ambitions if he truly wanted to know how much he loved her. No, he didn't need a definite answer. Just loving her was enough. Just loving her this much. This mystery. After all, some mysteries were made to remain unsolved . . . only admired forever, and loved even longer. He had done the latter two faithfully, and he knew he always would. And he wouldn't need to solve her someday. She would always keep him guessing. You could live a lifetime and not realize how much someone meant to you. He was sure glad that he did . . . just a hint of the truth.  
  
"I thought your mom had it," she said, when he gave no other explanation.  
  
"I think she guessed that I wanted it," he finally answered gently. She made a small noise, half in confusion, half in surprise that would register several seconds later into a delighted gratefulness. He answered by smiling softly in amusement, taking her hand into his and circling his other arm gently around her waist.  
  
Ran met his gaze, looked into the eyes she had known for most of her life, had known even before that. Eyes revealing a soul that had been made partly for her, a soul that would always be the way she saw it now, because that soul possessed Shinichi. She squeezed the hand that held hers and rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
She whispered into his ear, "Whatever's going to happen, let it. I'm ready."  
  
d/N: So.How'd I do? Like I promised, things got a bit slower in this chappie.  
  
Gad, this took me a long time to upload, even when I'm not counting the days where I was virtually 'puter-less over near Los Angeles at my friend's house. ::is ashamed:: Anyway, I'm off to bed-me so tired. Sorta ridiculous, really, to be tired from doing nothing but sleep and talk for five and a half hours while looking at cows outside the car window. 


	4. The Joys of Friendship

~*~*~*~*~Worth It~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 4 - The Joys of Friendship  
  
"Geez, you're early," he said as Ran crossed the street from her house after a glance at his watch, the same one that had helped him so many times when he was still trapped within Conan.  
  
"Like you're one to talk," she countered. It was true. He had been glancing beyond the white "Mouri Kogoro Detective Agency" sign, plastered over the windows to the living/agency room, for five minutes already. "And I was expecting to wait for *you.*"  
  
{And hoping it was really real,} she added silently.  
  
"Well, there was something I wanted to ask you about. We never came across it last night."  
  
"Same here."  
  
He grinned. So many questions, between someone he thought he had known so well and by the look in her eyes, she seemed to have the same thought. Of course, it should've been no surprise, really. They had hardly talked as Shinichi and Ran for about a year now.  
  
"You first."  
  
Ran's feet automatically starting in the direction of Teitan High. "The kids. Ayumi, Genta and Mitsuhiko. Do they know?"  
  
"No. The only person I thought about telling was you. " He stole a glance at her, cherishing her smile.  
  
"Will you tell them?"  
  
"Certainly not now, I don't think. Maybe when they get older. For now, let's just say that Conan returned to America."  
  
"I'm sure Ayumi will be devastated." Her remark was accompanied by a teasing grin.  
  
"Well . . . she'll have time to heal. Besides, I know you'll always be there to offer support for the little girl."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Sure. You know you can't stand to see anyone sad, if you can help it."  
  
She didn't know how to reply to that. Instead, she addressed the other person on her mind. "Um . . . what's to happen to Ai? I mean, Shiho?"  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"Isn't she going to be a target for those people as well?"  
  
"The Kurozukume?"  
  
Ran recalled last night at the police station, and nodded. "Yeah, them."  
  
"They're not going to have as easy a job at finding her as you might think. She's decided to remain as Ai."  
  
She stopped and turned to him. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Dead serious. She's made too many enemies as Miyano Shiho, and she's decided to relive her life as someone else, since that option's open to her now. Ai's happier than Shiho has been in a long time."  
  
She nodded, realizing for the first time what a life the blonde must have had. But then again, her own wasn't exactly dull, either. Not with Shinichi in it.  
  
"So," he went on with a mischievous grin, "you'll be better off worrying about me."  
  
"Shinichi, you're seriously asking for it . . . " she raised her fist.  
  
"What?" The blankness was so apparent, it almost seemed feigned. {No,} Ran decided, {it was feigned.}  
  
"Ohhh, that is it!" The fist came, but Shinichi was ready for it. He ducked just as it crashed into the wall and grabbed it upon impulse.  
  
"Shinichi! Let go!" She tried to pull her hand from his, blushing furiously.  
  
"You didn't say please," he taunted, enjoying it all.  
  
"Please, you jerk!" She regained possession of her hand as she tugged it out of his grasp. She glared at him, but the glow within her eyes was anything but his imagination. She started to walk again, quickly, looking at anything but him as she tried to hide her still scarlet cheeks. "Uh, we'll be late if we don't hurry."  
  
"If you say so." He smiled, amused at her feeble excuse. At this rate, they would make it to school with plenty of time to spare.  
  
Several minutes of silence ensued. "So what did you want to ask me?" Ran finally asked.  
  
"What you said last night, when I was explaining to them why I wasn't dead. About how it was worth it."  
  
"Oh, that." She smiled, the smile he had seen last night in the light of the streetlamp, the smile he had seen before as Conan, whenever Ran thought about Shinichi - that smile was proof itself that she cared about him. "Didn't you feel it too?"  
  
He was about to ask what she meant by that when three girls ran up to them, unconsciously pushing an indignant Ran aside. "E-excuse me . . . " one of them began, clutching a notebook to her chest, and the day's newspaper in her other hand. He could make out a picture of himself on the page that had been folded back. "K-kudo-sama?"  
  
He nodded uncertainly. "Yeah -"  
  
The rest of his sentence, if there was one, was drowned out in a single scream of glee uttered from three voices. "Will you please sign our notebooks, Kudo-san?"  
  
Three identical notebooks and a pen were thrust into his face before he could answer.  
  
"Back to life as Kudo Shinichi, every girl's heart throb," he heard Ran mutter as she leaned against the wall, and the detective shot her an impertinent smirk. She stuck her out tongue in reply and returned to watching the busy street before her with the air of one who had grown up seeing it everyday.  
  
After the girls had scurried off, Shinichi turned to Ran. "You can never get used to it, can you?"  
  
"What do you think? Who can?" she shot back.  
  
"Jealousy ruins, you know," he teased.  
  
"Who says I'm jealous? And even if I was - which I'm not - who says you're one to talk?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You know what it means."  
  
He couldn't think of a smart reply to that, and diverted that part of the matter elsewhere. "Besides, it'll end, after -" He had bite his tongue to stop the words.  
  
"After what?" she asked, turning around sharply.  
  
"N-never mind," he answered, blushing as furiously as she had only minutes before.  
  
Then she changed to a far more important subject, asking him in a quiet voice that didn't subdue her unhappiness, "But next time, if something happens to you again - "  
  
"You'll be the first to know," he answered right away. "You have my word, Ran. Because you've given me a reason." And I can't stand being that far away from you for a second time.  
  
Her smile returned, unbridled in its beautiful glory, a glory he knew he would never get tired of, no matter how many times he saw it. "Thanks."  
  
No, thank you, Ran. Thank you for . . . everything, he thought, knowing he didn't need to say it. Just the thought would be enough for her.  
  
* * *  
  
Shinichi stifled a yawn as he looked out of the window. Math was extremely boring, as usual, and being a year behind everyone else didn't stimulate his interest in the least. The school put him in his classes according to his age, ignoring his lack of real education for about a year. They were familiar with Kudo Shinichi's well-harnessed abilities. He had always been clever enough to grasp almost anything that came his way, and caught on quickly, like he always had. Anything practical, that was.  
  
And life wasn't made of practicalities. Neither was Ran. "It was worth it," her words, accompanied by the way she said them despite the situation they were in, haunted him. And then, when she was about to answer, all she said was, "Didn't you feel it too?" Gee, thanks. That did *nothing* to ease his confusion. He waited until the teacher waded from his area of the classroom to the blackboard before scribbling something on paper and tearing it out, slowly, so nobody would notice the noise. He folded it into two and tapped Ran on the shoulder. She turned around and whispered, "What?"  
  
For a reply, he handed her the note and watched over her shoulder as she turned back to the desk and read underneath it.  
  
-Hey, do you want to come over after school?-  
  
-Okay, but you could've waited until lunch to ask me,- she replied by pen and deposited it on his desk behind her, pretending to read the blackboard all the while.  
  
Everyone had been ecstatic about Shinichi's return, and had pestered him for a full ten minutes before class, begging him to tell them every detail. With Ran's help, he had pulled it off, but barely. Something about working on a case and then going to Los Angeles, he remembered. Then they wanted to know every detail of the case, wanted to know why it took him so long, and would've chattered on to High Heaven if the bell hadn't rung.  
  
And for the first time, it seemed, Shinichi was glad it rang, both because it saved him from an awkward situation, and because the peal somehow finally announced something he had been a little afraid to believe. It seemed so unreal, that after all the struggle, all the hope mingled with despair, he had finally made it: had finally transformed back into and unto his seventeen-year-old self. Permanently. And even after the declaration of the school bell, he realized it did nothing to settle his anxiety, well- buried but present.  
  
"Pinch me," he said to Ran as everyone took his or her seat.  
  
"What?" she asked, bewildered.  
  
"Pinch me," he repeated.  
  
"Should I ask why?" she wondered as she obliged, on his arm.  
  
"Just to make sure this whole thing's real," he answered, with a wink.  
  
She laughed, and after some thought, said, "Then pinch me too."  
  
He reached out a hand to her wrist, and then stopped. "How do I know you're not going to punch me again?"  
  
"Trust me, after what happened . . . uh, last time I tried, I won't," she answered, her cheeks lightly flushed as she recalled the episode on their way to school.  
  
"As you wish."  
  
* * *  
  
"You're certainly spry today," observed Sonoko as she deposited a piece of shrimp into her mouth, chewing with a triumphant smirk on her face. "Since Shinichi-kun's back in your life and all."  
  
"I am," she answered calmly. "I'd feel the same way if you suddenly returned after disappearing for months."  
  
She chuckled. "Would you really. Who're you trying to fool? I've seen the way you look when you talk about him."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Ran! You know who I'm talking about."  
  
"You mean Shinichi?" she continued innocently.  
  
Sonoko rolled her eyes. "Yes I mean Kudo-kun. Now are you happy simply because he's back in your life again, or did you finally confess, or did something go on between you two that I don't know about?"  
  
Ran chewed and swallowed before replying, "I've no idea what you're talking about, Sonoko-chan. Shinichi was never out of my life."  
  
Sonoko snorted in frustration.  
  
{Well, he wasn't}, Ran thought to herself but didn't say out loud. And by that, she didn't just mean Conan. He walked across her memories, dreams, always, even when his physical self wasn't there. And weren't memories and dreams part of everyone's life?  
  
Suddenly Sonoko abandoned her scowl for a smile constructed too widely for Ran's comfort. "No matter, I'll find out soon enough, Ran-chan!"  
  
Ran bit her chopstick in apprehension.  
  
"I'll ask the celebrity himself!" exclaimed the girl as she saw Shinichi detach himself from his guy friends and walk over to the desk where they were having lunch. "So, Shinichi-kun," she began before Ran could say anything in protest, "anything new? Other than the incidents during your long escapade from us, leaving poor Ran-chan to fend for herself all alone?"  
  
"I have no idea what the heck you're talking about," he replied blankly as Sonoko facefaulted.  
  
"Heh, well, you two did spend too much time together from the start," she muttered as she picked herself up. Just when Ran thought that she would give up, the relentless interrogator took her seat and asked Shinichi with the forwardness both Ran and Shinichi knew all too well, "Shinichi-kun, d'ya like Ran?"  
  
"Sonoko!" groaned Ran. "Could you have said that any louder?!" Several heads turned at her outburst, and she couldn't help but turn even more scarlet at their probing glances.  
  
Shinichi thought a moment and shrugged, answering casually, "Sure, I like Ran."  
  
Sonoko grinned in triumph while Ran buried her face, which had become redder still, if that was even possible, into her hands.  
  
"She's a pretty cool friend, if you can overlook how incredibly naïve she can be."  
  
Both girls facefaulted. As soon as Ran picked herself up, she kicked him and stalked off.  
  
"What have we learned today, Shinichi?" he muttered to himself as he clutched his ankle in pain.  
  
d/N: A reviewer brought to my attention the weird symbols taking over my fic. Now I'm sad.  
  
But I still want to do something about it! My computer might have a virus, or the computer I used to upload stuff might have a virus, but I'm gonna hope that's not the case. (I don't know how to debug, and my dad would probably not do it for me just because.) I'm gonna hope that just replacing the chapters will do the trick. And if I'm wrong.  
  
Well, let's hope I'm not, because then I'd be all out of options.  
  
::sob:: 


	5. Journeys

~*~*~*~*~Worth It~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 5 - Journeys  
  
"Don't try to hide it from me," remarked Ran, her footfalls in exact rhythm with his. "You didn't mind school that much. I actually caught you listening to the teacher a couple of times."  
  
"You were watching me?" he said, his mischievous grin once again settling across his lips.  
  
Ran turned pink. "Of course not. I just . . . you know, noticed."  
  
"Oh, right," agreed Shinichi as he nodded. "Since it was so easy to see me with those eyes in the back of your head and all."  
  
"You would think that about me, you jerk," she muttered. "'She's pretty cool, if you can overlook how incredibly naïve she can be.' Gee, thanks. That really made me feel appreciated. Besides, you're more likely to have eyes in the back of your head than me, considering all that snooping you do."  
  
"Snooping?! I'm making my career here!" he protested. "Besides, would you rather I told the truth to everyone? Because once you tell Sonoko something, you might as well have told the world."  
  
She thought about it a moment, and sighed resignedly, smiling. "You're right, as usual. Thanks. Just . . . don't get used to it."  
  
He returned her smile and asked, "Don't get used to what?"  
  
"Hiding the truth. You're a detective. Your job is to reveal it. Besides, even if you weren't one, you might make lying a habit. And trust me, if you keep it up, one of these days you'll regret it. If it's for a good cause, like the way you lied to me, which, I regret to admit, had a touch of sense in it, or if it was to protect privacy, or if it was because lying would be the only way to defend yourself, then it's okay. But it's nice to refrain from it . . . because the truth is something that makes our lives. That's your phrase, isn't it? 'There is always only one truth.' Or, at least, that's how I interpret it. I know all too well that sometimes it hurts, or does more than that, but the hurt you receive if that lie remains what it is is so much greater internally, because it can damage your spirit, and maybe others around you too, if you care for them or if they care for you. Besides, sometimes the truth can heal. Our truth did. And sometimes, although rarely, the truth can be better than anything we could hope for dreams to be. At least, that's what I think." She grinned softly to herself as she silently repeated to herself: {The truth can be better than anything we could hope for dreams to be.}  
  
"What's that? Sounds like Plato," he remarked.  
  
"I sure hope not. It's just the cherished musings of an idle teenager."  
  
{That's my Ran,} he thought. Then he remembered what she had said before, something so like this, and one of the reasons she was coming over. He would save that for later. "You know . . . it wasn't all a lie."  
  
"Hm?" She turned to him. Hadn't she said the same words last night?  
  
"Or at least, I didn't try to make it a lie. When I called you and told you it was a really big case, it was a really big case. A case that still hasn't been completely solved."  
  
Her only reply was a slow nod and a flash of decisive eyes, but he saw more in them than if she had spoken. {The case isn't completely solved, yes, and I'm going to help you solve it, even if it meant risking my life, and more importantly, yours. Whether you like it or not. Because if we don't solve it, you might as well have died. I know you, Kudo Shinichi, and I know your degree of determination. And it surprises me. It always has. You will leave nothing unsolved if you can help it, and as long as it's done by something of this world, you can always help it. It's in your power. It's in your will. It's in you, and you are Shinichi. And I won't ever let you leave me again.}  
  
They walked the final block in silence, each basking in his or her own thoughts. Shinichi unlocked and opened the gate that had obstructed him into getting into his own house on his first night as Conan and closed it shut behind them, not a word exchanged between the two of them in the companionable atmosphere. He was about to unlock the door when he stopped and turned to her, pulling her into a hug. "Thanks so much, Ran."  
  
She raised her eyebrows in a wonder short of surprise and smiled. She should've known he would see her so well. And that had nothing to do with being a detective.  
  
Once inside, Ran dropped her school things on the couch, becoming aware of the "beep" of the answering machine. "Shinichi -"  
  
"I know, I know." He was already at the phone. He pressed the flashing green button, and soon Inspector Megure's voice filled the room. "Kudo- kun, good morning. I know you're at school right now, but when you get this message, please come to the police station as soon as you can. We need to conduct an interrogation with the two you brought in last night, and I want to make sure everything they say matches by your source."  
  
"I'm coming too!" Ran had crossed the room to stand beside him. "You're gonna need a bodyguard."  
  
Shinichi sweatdropped. "Why would I need a bodyguard during an interrogation? Even if something does come up, who's to say you're not gonna get scared? You're gonna need one more than I do."  
  
"I won't," she answered simply.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow at her doubtfully.  
  
"Shin-*ichi*!" she protested. "I'm just trying to do my part. To make up for . . . for it all." {Besides, with you around, I know you'll be there for me if I do get scared. You've always been there for me, even when I thought you weren't around. (Thank goodness we've left those days behind.)}  
  
"Ran, you don't need to make up for anything. Nothing was your fault - it was all me."  
  
She glared at him - he secretly found the way she pouted in that childish way adorable. Shinichi grinned, and sensing a small argument looming ever closer, resigned more than willingly. "All right, have it your way. C'mon."  
  
Her grin radiated a childish giddiness that won him over all over again. She headed for the door after Shinichi, and stopped. "Hey, don't you think we should bring Ai along? She's bound to be helpful, since no doubt she knows a lot more about the Kurozukume than you do."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, as long as she's home. Let's go see."  
  
"Wait - Shinichi, shouldn't we call?" Ran asked, pointing to the phone.  
  
"No need - she lives next door."  
  
"Really, you could've told me that before."  
  
"You never asked."  
  
She closed the door behind them, muttering to herself darkly.  
  
He grinned at her. "That's the first step to being a detective - question everything."  
  
"And since I'm not . . . "  
  
She stuck her foot in his way, laughing evilly as he hit the ground.  
  
"Ran!"  
  
"That's the first step to not provoking the martial artist - don't provoke the martial artist."  
  
"You *tripped* me. That had *nothing* to do with karate!"  
  
A little girl, aged six or seven - if one determined ages by outer appearance only - stuck her head through the halfway opened door and acknowledged the visitor with a nod and a "Kudo" by way of greeting.  
  
"Hey, Haibara-kun."  
  
Her eyes flickered to the person at his side and widened in shock. "Ran?"  
  
Ran grinned. "Good, you're home."  
  
Ai nodded slowly and glanced at Shinichi for an explanation.  
  
"We're going to the police station to see if Gin and Vodka'll answer a few questions. Since you know a lot more about the Kurozukume than I do, it'd be better if you came, too."  
  
Ai's eyes widened even more, with an open mouth to match. Although her expressions generally alternated between vaguely amused to nonchalant, Shinichi's easy words would falter anyone who had undergone what she had.  
  
"Uh, Shinichi, I think you just forgot to mention one vaguely important thing," chided Ran. To Ai, she said, "We'll explain it on the way to there. Inspector Megure said to come as quickly as possible."  
  
Ai immediately closed the door behind her and slipped on her shoes, forgetting temporarily all her caution to Ran as she said, "Okay. I want to hear everything."  
  
"Then we'll try to give you everything," she answered. "And thanks, Ai - Shiho. For the antidote." She smiled softly at the younger-seeming girl on the doorstep, "And for everything. For helping Shinichi - er, Conan out on the cases, and helping him by pretending to be Conan when I suspected what was going on - " she turned sharply to Shinichi when he cringed, "Yes, wonder-boy, I know she had to have been helping you on that one. She's the only one short enough who knows what's going on - no offense, Ai."  
  
"None taken."  
  
Ai vaguely wondered why it was Ran who was thanking her for what she had done for Conan/Shinichi, but shrugged. She knew what it was like to have feelings for someone - she just didn't know, with the sheer conviction Ran did, if those feelings were love. She walked a little behind the others, watching the way they walked together, as if they couldn't worry about anything as long as they had each other. She sighed, a hopeless envy making up a large portion of that sigh, an envy drenched in decision and a strange sort of rebirth. She had stayed Haibara Ai not only because of the Kurozukume, although that was the only reason she gave Shinichi.  
  
There was also another one - to tell herself that what Shinichi and Ran had - that it wasn't for her. That was one of her envies. Their relationship, how they knew everything about each other but still found out new things every single day. It was no mystery to her that Shinichi loved Ran, enough so that she would always come before anything in his life, and that Ran loved Shinichi, enough so that no other guy would ever stand an inkling of a chance against Shinichi's mere memory. And there were other guys.  
  
She had stayed Haibara Ai so that she could tell herself Shinichi wasn't for her. He had surprised her, time after time again, with his actions and his determination, and soon, her wonder at him turned into a fondness. But it also was no mystery to her if Shinichi returned her feelings or not - he only regarded her as a friend, and one of his confidants back when he was still trapped within Conan's identity. There was only room for one person to fill his heart, and because of that, she had avoided, maybe even feared at one time, that one person.  
  
It was no surprise to her why Shinichi loved Ran so much . . . her happiness was contagious, her faith in him everlasting, her purity empowering to anyone who dared to feel it, like one steadfast river breathing life to all it touched. And sometimes, no one could help but feel it. Ai had no place in Shinichi's mind, nor his heart, except as a friend.  
  
Driving all these thoughts - strangers to a mind so rooted within science and practicality - into the darkest corners of her mind, where she wouldn't be able to feel them even if she wanted to (and she was certain she didn't) she said, "So how did you manage to catch them? Both of you look intact enough." That was a harsh understatement - both of them looked like the relatively ordinary teenagers they must have been a year ago. Inwardly, she marveled at their ability to forgive, but not forget. To look beyond, but also at.  
  
"Ran received a call the day you gave me the antidote from Gin and Vodka, and I happened to be listening in. I realized something was up, so I waited until I heard Ran leave the house at around midnight to follow her."  
  
"The two guys - Gin and Vodka - told me to go alone to the amusement park," Ran picked up. "They were planning to kill me. I think they had heard talk that Shinichi was still alive when according to them, it was obvious he wasn't. I guess they figured out sometime that I had started the talk, saying that he would call me every two weeks or so, and that I even saw him on some accounts. That got them suspicious, and they wanted to ask me a few questions. I lied my way through it and said that I had made it all up - it was a miracle they didn't find out that other people had seen him too, when he 'came back' - wait a minute. Shinichi, how did you transform back while you were Conan, anyway?" She stopped and looked pointedly at her best friend.  
  
"Actually, I don't really know. The first time, I was sick and Heiji gave me that Chinese liquor. And the second time, it was when Haibara came up with the counter-cure, though it only lasted a day." He shrugged.  
  
"After I heard how the liquor changed his body back, I isolated the chemical that had really done the job, and then made it stronger. But obviously not strong enough - the only reason the liquor took any effect at all was because his body was already weak from that accident. Even though it was made several times stronger than if it was in that liquor, the chemical still could only last him for a day."  
  
"I guess if that's the best answer I could get . . . " Ran trailed off before continuing her short narrative to Ai, "Even if they believed me, they were still going to kill me because I knew they were connected with Shinichi's 'death'."  
  
"Before I could do anything, Gin had already fired. Somehow she managed to dodge the first bullet and before he could fire another one, she gave him a good one in the stomach. Then Vodka went at her with the knife, and that time I managed to kick the case they brought with them to knock it out of his hand. They were planning to force-feed the APTX-4869 to her, if they had the chance."  
  
"Luckily they didn't," Ai inserted. "I only made one batch of the antidote."  
  
"Why?" wondered Ran.  
  
"So I don't tempt myself."  
  
The two turned to her, eyebrows raised in almost the same half-concerned, half-curious expression, but she shook her head and said, "Never mind, go on."  
  
Ran still looked at her questioningly, but a hint of understanding touched her eyes and she nodded. "While we were busy with Vodka, Gin had righted himself again and grabbed the gun. They said something about reporting the whole thing and were about to bring us to their boss, or whatever, but during that time I managed to trip Gin, and Shinichi got the gun from him. When Shinichi picked up the gun again - Vodka was out of commission because I was just about ready to twist his arm off -"  
  
"- thank goodness she's a black belt -" remarked Shinichi.  
  
"- and that's basically it," topped Ran to the awkward explanation.  
  
Ai looked from Ran to Shinichi to Ran again and raised her eyebrows. "Either now I have a vague idea of what's going on, or I'm more confused than I was before."  
  
Shinichi and Ran looked at each other, both with a similar half-grin on their faces.  
  
"You're more confused that you were before," said Ran.  
  
"Basically, we kicked Kurozukume butt," said Shinichi.  
  
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Ran ventured, "Ai . . . so you're really going to live your life over?"  
  
The blonde girl nodded. "Even if my enemies stand a chance of being wiped out completely, there's still so many memories I'd love to forget. Being Shiiho won't let me forget."  
  
"But Ai-kun," murmured Ran softly. "Even if you have another identity now, you still have the same mind, the same memories, and that'll never change. Even if you are Ai now, you still can't forget.  
  
Ai reluctantly pondered over this, running her tongue over her top teeth. "You're right. I won't forget. But Ai holds a better chance of a future to look forward to than Shiho, as long as I don't let my true identity leak out to anyone. Except for those who already know."  
  
"True, true. I never doubted your decision. After all, you've been through so much - if I was put into your shoes, I'd probably do the same thing," said Ran earnestly. "Although . . . do you want to forget about your family as well?"  
  
"Them most of all. And my parents died in a car crash. They -" by 'they', every one of them knew she wasn't talking about her family "- killed my sister, Akemi, a few months ago," Ai responded flatly. "They were going to kill me, too."  
  
"I-I'm sorry," murmured Ran, taken back, and her countenance and eyes looked it. "You loved your family, didn't you?"  
  
Ai said nothing.  
  
Ran broke into an encouraging smile. "Then you don't have to be afraid of remembering."  
  
"I'm not -" she cut herself off as she realized what Ran said was true. She was afraid. But how had that girl, drenched in the beautiful innocence she, Ai, had lost a long time ago - might've never even had in the beginning anyway - known?  
  
Ran grinned embarrassedly. "At least, that's what I think. And I'm sure they did good things."  
  
Ai nodded slowly. After awhile, she said, without any trace of bitterness despite the context of her words, "They did do good things. That was why they died."  
  
"Mm?" she turned to the smaller girl, blue-violet eyes saying clearly that she was there to listen if the other wanted to tell her.  
  
"They were going to betray them. But then they found out. The Kurozukume, I mean. They rigged the car crash and killed 'em."  
  
Ran nodded, not saying anything. And that was enough for Ai.  
  
"Guys . . . " Shinichi said suddenly as he realized something. "If we turned up with a seven-year-old at the police station, wouldn't Inspector Megure ask? And then, when we spill out the truth, Haibara-kun . . . "  
  
Ran drew in her breath and said quickly, "He doesn't have to know. If Ai- kun doesn't come, he would never ask, and no one would be the wiser. Ai- kun, you may know a lot more about the Kurozukume than Shinichi, but we can -"  
  
"No," Ai cut in sharply with a firm shake of her head. She heaved a sigh and muttered, "You're right, Ran. The past is going to haunt me, whether I'm Shiho or Ai. I need to pay for the crime I've done. Helping you catch the bad guys doesn't mean I don't have to face the consequences, just like anybody else."  
  
"You're sure?" asked Ran.  
  
Ai nodded. {Besides, there are other people who deserve to know the truth, too.}  
  
Shinichi cut in, "Well, it's too late for you to change your mind anyway, Haibara. He's spotted us."  
  
True enough, they had reached the station earlier than they had thought, and the orange-clad inspector was hurrying their way.  
  
"Kudo, what took you so long?"  
  
"We had to bring Haibara-kun," he answered, grinning at the inspector's perplexed expression. "Let's go inside, Inspector. This is going to take awhile."  
  
d/N: All right: A little tid-bit about the chapter title. No, it's not meant to be as obvious as it looks. So basically are the characters did was walk around and such.That would be considered a journey, I guess. But the journeys I'm talking about are the emotional ones. Because that's the stuff that matters.  
  
Just so no one misunderstands me.^^ 


End file.
